Today has been really tough for me. For me to act otherwise I feel would be incredibly inauthentic. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’ve been so scared… scared of feeling emotions, scared of getting hurt and scared of failing in general. I’ve doubted who I am, what I’m worth, my beauty in Christ and my wisdom in Him, all in a matter of hours. I feel shaken to the very core of me.
Even though I am being honest about where I’m at, I have to admit… my God is bigger than where I’m at and I know He’s bigger than what I’m feeling. I am reminded of Romans 8:15 “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”” and 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” This fear that I’m feeling is not from God and it is not beneficial to my spirit. Fear isolates me and makes me feel alone, when I know that God is my constant companion. Fear makes me feel useless and without worth, when my worth is defined by my Creator, my Father.
I’m trying to examine the things inside myself that make me prone to fear. It’s been something I’ve warred against since I was young. I’m starting to find that it is because I am so focused on doing things on my own, that I’m pushed off course. In order to be completely free from doubt, completely free from worry and fear, I need to know where my hope TRULY lies. It’s not in what I can do and myself; my area of influence is simply not big enough. I do serve a God who is more than big enough though. There is nothing He is not in control of, and there is nothing He can’t do. Is He not loving and caring enough to protect me from sure heartbreak? Would He lead me directly into pain and failure? No, He wouldn’t. If He loves me enough to send His only son to die for me… then does He not love me enough to lead me into the best when I’m truly seeking Him? The answer is yes. I’m sure many of you are able to easily quote Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” as I am… but do you truly get what it says? I know I am barely starting to grasp the concept of His fierce and passionate love for me. He has plans for me, and those plans are infinitely good as He is infinitely good. He is absolutely good, and as His children He desires good things for us. Not only is that what He wants for us, He is the only who is truly capable of giving us those things. That’s why seeking Him is so incredibly important. If we try and work out all of these good things for ourselves, they will be a cheap imitation of what goodness really is. We will never experience the fullness of what goodness really is.
I am constantly a work in progress. This isn’t coming from a place of completeness, it’s coming from a place of brokenness. I am a work in progress, and I will always be that way. He is constantly refining my thinking, and me and I can only hope I am being entirely obedient and sensitive to that change. Many things in my life cause me to doubt, but what I’m learning is that our feelings are rarely helpful to us. We CHOOSE to pursue Him through pain and struggle, and we CHOOSE to do that courageously and joyfully![]()
Even though I am being honest about where I’m at, I have to admit… my God is bigger than where I’m at and I know He’s bigger than what I’m feeling. I am reminded of Romans 8:15 “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”” and 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” This fear that I’m feeling is not from God and it is not beneficial to my spirit. Fear isolates me and makes me feel alone, when I know that God is my constant companion. Fear makes me feel useless and without worth, when my worth is defined by my Creator, my Father.
I’m trying to examine the things inside myself that make me prone to fear. It’s been something I’ve warred against since I was young. I’m starting to find that it is because I am so focused on doing things on my own, that I’m pushed off course. In order to be completely free from doubt, completely free from worry and fear, I need to know where my hope TRULY lies. It’s not in what I can do and myself; my area of influence is simply not big enough. I do serve a God who is more than big enough though. There is nothing He is not in control of, and there is nothing He can’t do. Is He not loving and caring enough to protect me from sure heartbreak? Would He lead me directly into pain and failure? No, He wouldn’t. If He loves me enough to send His only son to die for me… then does He not love me enough to lead me into the best when I’m truly seeking Him? The answer is yes. I’m sure many of you are able to easily quote Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” as I am… but do you truly get what it says? I know I am barely starting to grasp the concept of His fierce and passionate love for me. He has plans for me, and those plans are infinitely good as He is infinitely good. He is absolutely good, and as His children He desires good things for us. Not only is that what He wants for us, He is the only who is truly capable of giving us those things. That’s why seeking Him is so incredibly important. If we try and work out all of these good things for ourselves, they will be a cheap imitation of what goodness really is. We will never experience the fullness of what goodness really is.
I am constantly a work in progress. This isn’t coming from a place of completeness, it’s coming from a place of brokenness. I am a work in progress, and I will always be that way. He is constantly refining my thinking, and me and I can only hope I am being entirely obedient and sensitive to that change. Many things in my life cause me to doubt, but what I’m learning is that our feelings are rarely helpful to us. We CHOOSE to pursue Him through pain and struggle, and we CHOOSE to do that courageously and joyfully
